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The Curse of Earl Nigma/Script
Lee: "I'm the guy that got a year of detention for a prank I didn't even commit. I figured out who did, but that didn't get me out. So now I'm stuck in detention version two-point-oh, Detentiontraz." picture of the new detention room is shown. "And from there, things have only gotten stranger. Exhibit A: Kimmie's mom." picture of her appears. "She knows about the brainwashing, she made the brainwashing phones, and she blew up the building they were made in. And even more suspicious, why is it that everything weird has a Mann Wurst and Finnwich logo on it?" of several plot-relevant items made by the company appear. "Then there's Brad. First he pulls his own prank, now he's messing with my buds by honing in on their girls." of Brad doing all of this are shown. "Is he just an attention hog? Or is he actually up to something? Is there any way he could be working for Kimmie's mom?" ---- Detentionaire ---- is announcing at a sporting event. Chaz: "Ooh, the visiting team has A. Nigma star fencer Brad Von Chillstein in its sights. I knew the Curse of Earl Nigma would finish up. Sweet Weezy, could it all end here?" fencer in a suit with flames on it leaps onto a wooden platform. The fencer's opponent attacks and knocks the sword away from the flaming fencer's hand. Ace: "No! Brad!" Holger: simultaneously "No! Lee!" movie star looks at Holger suspiciously. Holger giggles nervously. ---- Earlier that day...8:05 AM old man steps into a crosswalk and then quickly steps back as an olive green SUV speeds by. Lee: "Seriously? You're mad at me? For not escaping detention?" Mrs. Ping: "Principal Barrage gave you a test, and you failed!" stop in the parking lot. "You need to be more clever! Like me. See that spot?" is an empty parking place next to the steps. "Watch, and learn." guns it for the spot. Lee: "Whoa Mom, look out!" Ping stomps on the brakes as a fancy yellow car swoops into the spot. Mrs. Ping: her fist "Parking spot stealer! That was mine." Cassandra: out "Well, my car is there, so I guess it's my spot now." towards them "Oh, and is that your boy? Leonard, was it? Leonard I hear you have a very keen interest in...aviation." gasps. Kimmie: "His name is Lee, Mom. Not that it matters. Could we go now?" Cassandra: Lee "Well if you do enjoy planes so much, maybe next time we do weekend brunch in Paris, Kimmie can invite you along." walks away. Kimmie: "Ugh. Je préférerais mourir." (Subtitles: I'd rather die.) and her daughter enter the school. Mrs. Ping: emotional "Cassandra thinks she's so great. Just because she's head of the Parents' Council. Big deal! I could make zucchini pancakes if I wanted to, but I don't!" Lee: "Yeah not sure what that even means. Anyway gotta jet. Bye Mom!" exits the car, and it moves off to find another parking space. Lee bumps into Biffy. Lee: "Oh, h-hey. Still mad at me?" response, Biffy growls and leaves. Lee: "Okay, nice chatting with ya." ---- is walking down the hall with his two best friends. Lee: "She's gotta know I'm onto her." is absorbed in his phone. "Yo Cam. Are you listening?" Cam: "Sorry bro. I got a book report due on The Three Musketeers, man. But I'm crazy busy being el prez and I didn't read it! But I got the Brick McSlam movie remake!" laughs. "No one gets stabbed for free! So all's good, man. Oh, dude, check it out! Brad's in it." the movie, two flame-suited fencers take out an army of attackers. Ace: unmasked "Rifle through their pockets, kid, 'cause no one gets stabbed for free." Camillio: laughing "Whoa! You know I hate Brad and stuff, especially since he's like suddenly totally into Brandy for some weird reason, but yo man, ese can fence, yo! Aw, gotta study. Cam out!" leaves. Lee hears Barrage's voice in the distance and looks over to see the principal meeting with Cassandra. Lee: "Her? Talking to him? Okay, what are they up to?" walks towards them. Holger opens his arms as Greta walks in his direction. Holger: "Greta, you are looking most dashing this morrow." Greta: up "What? Oh, thanks. You seen Brad?" Brad: the distance "Like, what is this..." Greta: "Brad!" runs over. "Hey Brad." Brad: Brandy "Okay, why is she talking to me?" Greta: up some papers "I did that assignment on dangling modifiers you needed help with." Brad: "Oh yeah! That." unenthusastic "Thanks, uh, Frita." sighs and swoons into Holger's waiting arms. Greta: "He almost remembered my name." Holger: offended "No, he was not even close! So many letters wrong. So many!" the hall, Dickie looks at Brad with a concerned look on his face. Brad: "Oh, right. She's with him. And I'm still working on my evil plan to get at Lee! Okay, group halt." group halts. "Hey Frita! We're chillin' in the caf. You coming?" Greta: "Uh, okay!" joins them. Holger: despair "Holger thinks Greta is most dashing! But maybe Greta is thinking Brad is–" gasps. "The mostest dashing!" Barrage is still conversing with Cassandra. Principal General Barrage: "Not to worry. If there's one thing this soldier does well, it's execute an order." Cassandra: threateningly "I should hope so. I want this fencing taken care of today." bell rings, and the locker door Lee was hiding behind is slammed shut. The two adults turn and look at Lee. Lee: awkwardly "Oh, was that the bell? Wa-ha-how, I gotta get to class. Ping out!" runs away. ---- and Holger are in class together. Lee: "Dude, what's up? You okay today?" Holger: a sad clown "You saw my Greta. She is tutoring Brad. What is tutoring?" Lee: "Don't worry, it's just when they–" Holger: "No. Holger no want to know. La la la la la–" news comes on. Chaz: "I'm Chaz Monerainian, hi, and guess what? The big parkour fencing match takes place today, during third period. That's just before lunch! So be there, if you dare!" Lee: "Wait. Fencing? Barrage and Cassandra were just talking about–" Holger: "Ssh. Holger is trying to be informed." Tina: "And if A. Nigma doesn't win this one, they're out of the tournament. Which would be the first time since...ever." Chaz: "Oh really? And why is that, Tina?" Tina: "Uh...they've been playing–poorly?" Chaz: "Ennh, wrong, and on so many levels, Tina. It's–wait for it–the horrible curse of Earl Nigma!" Tina: "The what? You just made that up." Chaz: "Oh yeah? Well if I just made it up, then how do I already have this? Roll it Step-stick." picture of Earl Nigma appears onscreen. "One hundred years ago, Earl Nigma, our school's founder's brother, was the greatest fencer of all time." paper cut-outs to illustrate "But during his last match, he–just tripped." cut-out's head falls off. "Yeah! And then, an evil wizard appeared and, forever cursed the team." Tina: "Do you actually have any facts?" Chaz: "Oh yeah, I do. How about this. First, Coach Pummel goes missing. Then Cyrus, one of the fencing team members, gets a sprained leg in the last match. Facty enough for you Tina? And if they lose, it's all over." Tina: "In actual news, with Cyrus out the team is holding emergency tryouts in the gym this period." Lee: Holger "I don't get it. Why do Cassandra and Barrage want the fencing team to lose? I mean, who cares?" Holger: "Maybe it is being zhe super spy times now? Ooh, a teensy bit?" nods. ---- is watching the movie in the washroom. Camillio: "Ooookay, so–laser swords? In seventeenth century France I mean come on! This movie is so not historically accurate! There's no way I'm gonna be able to write this book report!" stall door swings open. Grayson: "A book report? Come, step into my office." eases his way into the cramped stall. Camillio: "Um, I'll just go back outside." Grayson: "Heh that would be better." steps out. "So. Book report. Three Musketeers. Guaranteed A?" Camillio: nervous "H-handing in someone else's paper man? That sounds like uh, like-like cheating, dude." Grayson: "Technically it is. It's actually the exact definition of cheating. But come on. You're school president. I'm sure you've been super busy." Camillio: "Yeah! Like I'm totally in this mess because I spend so much time doing the work of my people! So really, they owe me, right? I'm gonna take it man! But you got like a C-minus in there, I mean I gotta keep it real yo." ---- the gym, several fencers are practicing fencing and parkour under the watchful eye of their coach. Mr. Rousseau: "Lunge! Retreat! Flip! Parry! Do-si-do. Okey-pokey. Now, annihilate your enemy! Show me the passion." sticks his head into the gym and looks around. Brad is dressed to fence and hanging out with Brandy and Greta. Brad: "And that's why I always stretch before I eat yogurt." audience shows its approval. Brandy: "So, back to Kimmie; is it just me, or does anyone else find her a tad bossy?" Brad "And seriously, why is unibrow here? She's cramping our style." walks up to them. Tina: "Brad. Shouldn't you be practicing for the match with the team?" Brad: "Tina. One of the two musketeers from my dad's hit movie doesn't need to practice. Haven't you seen it? I'm amazing." Tina: bored "How interesting." walks away and meets Lee. "Hi Lee. Lemme guess. The curse is some kind of front for something way more eviler afoot. That's right. I said eviler." Lee: "Get this. I overheard Barrage and Cassandra mention something about fencing. And now there's a crazy curse, and a chance the team can be eliminated from the tournament. Coincidence?" Tina: "I dunno. If not, what could it–" Mr. Rousseau: a hand on Lee's shoulder "A-Mister Ping. You are so courageous to try out for the team in our particular how do you say, uh, predicament. Anyway, the thing is, since no one else showed up, welcome aboard!" Lee: scared "Aboard? The team? Just like that." Mr. Rousseau: "I need five fencers. If I cannot field a proper team, we are to be, how you say uh, disqualified." Lee: "Actually, I was–" Mr. Rousseau: "Team! Make Mister Ping feel welcome." Brad: offended "That's the best we can do? Ping? Mister Hog The Spotlight himself?" Lee: "Uh, honestly, I've never fenced before, I'm not–" Chaz: interviewing "Mister Rousseau, on a scale of one to one and a half billion, how terrified are you of the curse?" teacher drags him away. "Hey wha?!?" Mr. Rousseau: quietly "Enh enh enh! No superstitious talk in front of the team. Please, let us do our speaking elsewhere." Brad: up to Lee "Okay Ping, you want in? Welcome to your initiation. Team!" rest of the fencing team advances on Lee, swords drawn. Lee: scared "No, wait, I'm not remotely interested in being on the team, I was just–" raise their swords. "Aah!" swords come down towards Lee. ---- has barely dodged the swords. Lee: "Geh! Whoa. No fair, you guys have like official uniforms–" again "–geh–with pads!" dodge "Geh!" fencers encircle Lee. He quickly leaps between the legs of one of them and runs for the bleachers. Brad: "Get 'im!" climbs towards the top of the bleachers. Cyrus: "Ping!" turns around. "You can defeat anything with the power of rock 'n' roll, man!" tosses Lee his guitar, and Lee uses it to parry the sword attacks. Lee: "Seriously, Cy, you–actually have something useful?" Cyrus: "Well, you can have this, I guess." tosses Lee a fencing sword. Lee: it "Thanks." tosses the guitar back to Cyrus. "Now, if only I knew how to fence." Lee's eyes widen as he remembers a time in his past when his father and him played with sticks, using them like swords. Young Lee: laughing "Chew, chew chew chew!" Younger Mr. Ping: "This is no game Lee, pay attention!" Ping tosses the stick into the air. Lee watches it until it is caught by his father, who has moved behind his son. Mr. Ping brings the stick down on his son's stick, breaking it. Mr. Ping: "You never know where your opponent will strike you from." tosses the sword into the air. While his three foes are distracted, he slips behind them, and when he catches the sword, he prods all three of them with it in the back. Lee: exhilarated "Whoa. Ha. I can do this?" Mr. Rousseau: "Well well. Monsieur Ping. So full of surprises. You will without a doubt make a superb addition to the team. But, since we don't have time to get you up to speed, you'll go last." Brad: unhappy "Whoa. I'm always last. Y'know, the star attraction, best for last?" Mr. Rousseau: "No! You are our best fencer. It makes no sense to have you go last! It's best three out of five. We always lose before you're even up." Chaz: up "Sounds suspiciously like the curse of Earl Nigma! Care to comment, Brad?" Mr. Rousseau: "There is no curse!" Cyrus: singing "Earl Nigma! Wedon'twannabe cursed noooo mooorrreee!" Brad: "I don't think it's Earl Nigma's curse at all. I say it's Ping!" gym doors are thrown open. Principal General Barrage: "Ping? In here? But–being on a school team is something to do with free time! And you don't have free time! Ever!" Mr. Rousseau: "But, Monsieur Principal, we need him. Without a fifth member, we shall be oh-so-disqualified." Principal General Barrage: "Ah tough doody. Ping here is a no-good ham sandwich hoarding spiky-headed sack of useless pointy bolts and meat!" the hall outside, a boy trips and falls. The principal points at the boy. "Use him!" ---- is in the library doing research. Tina: "Ah, fencing, fencing, guys in tights–not even in the weirdest conspiracy theory does this add up." spots a bunch of cleaners moving construction equipment out of the back. "Huh?" ---- is putting his stuff into his locker. Holger: "So, is Brad still making the Cam eating the angercake? Because Holger is very full now!" Camillio: the locker "Yeah. Like Doofus Doofington can't even decide whose girl he wants to make time with ese! Maybe as El Prez I can have him executed or something. Anyhoo, at least my homework is done." Holger: amazed "How did you write so fast?" gasps. "You are a robot!" Camillio: "No dude, not a robot, okay? No robot, abandon that train of thought like pronto asap, okay?" whispering "I didn't write it. I bought it! Cold hard dinero." Holger: "What? Holger no understand! Me thinks you say–" Camillio: whispering "Yeah, I bought it, dude. Kind of a cheating thing, but not like really cheating, 'cause I've been like totally busy. Y'know. For the school. School stuff. Me stuff. 'Kay mostly me stuff." Holger: shocked "How can Cam be ze cheat?" Camillio: whispering "'Kay r-relax, I didn't cheat cheat hombre! I mean some other dude did, I'm just gonna y'know, hand it in. I work so hard as prez, yo. It's only fair I think it's in the Constitution or something!" Holger: "No more! This cheating is the most terrible of all cakes." Cam's arm "Holger teach you, wiz storytime." pulls Cam along with him as he runs down the hall. ---- the gym, Lee is watching as the tech nerd cowers before his opponents and doesn't even try to fight back. Principal General Barrage: "Cassandra, what is it now? I told you it's under control!" runs off to spy on the principal. "The fencing thing is being handled. Yes. Yes! Fine. I'll do it now!" principal hangs up. Lee: "What is he up to? Why the fencing team?" hazmats walk up to Barrage. "I'm gonna need a new way back into the gym." climbs into the air vents. ---- has decided that the lunchroom is the proper place to educate Cam, and has made some paper dolls in order to tell the story. Holger: one up "This is horse. His name is Horse. He has three friends: monkey named Monkey, snake named Snake, and frog named Sam." Camillio: "What? W-why is the frog the only one with an actual name?" Holger: "It is no important. Only Horse and Monkey here for now." Camillio: "So like why even bring the others up man, confusing much?" Holger: "Holger tell story! Horse and Monkey playing checkers." singing "Checker checker checker checker." normally "And Monkey keep cheating! Horse say, 'Yo! Why you wanna cheat so much? That's no fun!' So, Monkey go home and make sleepytime, and thinking, 'Mmm! Maybe it is no fun!' And so he go back and then play checkers, and now Monkey no cheat, and was so fun!" Camillio: "Okay, like that is the worst story ever. That makes me wanna go out and cheat harder dude! The monkey decided not to cheat for no reason? Just 'cause he made a sleepytime?" Holger: nodding "He was very good monkey." smacks his head on the table in annoyance. ---- is watching the fencing team from inside a vent. Lee's Inner Monologue: What could Barrage and Cassandra possibly want with the fencing team? To create assassins? phone rings. He answers. Lee: "Cam. Kinda busy right now." Camillio: "Okay. So um, there's this monkey. Right? And he's cheating at checkers with a horse." Lee: "Cam. Seriously." Camillio: "Okay okay, hold on. Um, I also heard that you're like on the fencing team so, could you pull Brad aside, and get him to like stop messing with Brandy and Greta? It's not only totally insulting yo, but Holger is going totally loco!" Lee: "Yeah, Brad's probably doing it to mess with me. I'll deal with it." hangs up, and Cam does the same. Cam then holds a wad of paper up to his ear and speaks for it. Camillio: falsetto "Go ahead and cheat! You're such a busy president! And so handsome!" normally "That's totally true!" up the monkey and speaking a deep voice "But yeah, cheating, it is wrong." tosses them away and speaks normally. "Aw, man! The puppets are right! I can't cheat! Uh, I'll, I'll just fake sick and uh, and I'll deal later. That's okay, right?" Monkey "S'alright." the crumpled ball of paper "S'alright." walks out of the lunchroom and tosses his bought paper into a recycling bin. A shadowy hand reaches for it after he leaves. ---- is still in the vents when he gets a video call from Tina. He answers it. Tina: "Lee, I think I've figured out this whole fencing thing." Lee: "Really? Hold on." sneaks into the equipment room and begins messing up the fencing swords. "No. Way. Brad's unscrewing the handles? Brad is the saboteur? He's behind the curse?" Tina: "Lee, forget the curse, Chaz made it up. This isn't about the fencing team." Principal General Barrage: offscreen "Let's see it!" Tina: "They're building a fence! An actual fence, look!" Lee: "What?" turns her phone so that Lee can see the fence that's being built. Several cleaners are hard at work constructing a concrete wall around the school. Principal General Barrage: "Move that ladder! We need this fence built double-time!" Lee: "So then, what's Brad up to?" Tina: "I'm gonna go with something stupid and action-movie related." Lee: "Good call." Tina: "You check out what Doctor Genius is up to, I'll see if I can find out more about this fence." Lee: "Plan in effect. Oh and, thanks." and Tina hang up. Brad sneaks towards the door of the equipment room. Lee: the vents "Ah-ha! Caught ya!" Brad: scared "Who said that? Wait. Earl Nigma's ghost? You're real?" Lee: "Yes." clears his throat and uses a quavering voice. "Yes I am!" Brad: "AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Lee: himself "Oh, this is just too easy." ---- is still scared out of his wits in the equipment room. Brad: "Please. Don't hurt me. I didn't mean it! It's all 'cause I'm a sham! A total sham!" Lee: quavering "Okay then, Earl Nigma's ghost commands you to explaaiiin yourself!" Brad: "I can't fence! Everyone thinks I can 'cause of that stupid movie!" Lee: quavering "More details!" Brad: "Okay. I rigged all the matches so we'd lose the best of five before I'd play, so I could never be exposed. I'm sorry!" vent cover clatters at his feet, and Lee drops from the ceiling. "Ping?" normally "Ha! I knew it was you. You know I was kidding about all that stuff, right? Fellow prankster?" Lee: unimpressed "Yeah sure right. Dude, seriously. What are you trying to do to the fencing team?" Brad: "I just can't fence. I swear! I used a stunt double for the movie. My dad is coming today, and now I'm going first, and I don't want him to see that I suck. Please. You gotta help me!" Lee: "Help you? Why?" Brad: "Because–you're good. You can take my place! Please!" Lee: groaning "Fine. On two conditions. Brandy and Greta. Back off. Why are you messing with my friends' girls anyway?" Brad: shrugging "It's kinda complicated and sorta involves screwing up your life. Y'know, you gotta take out the pawns before you get the king. But, it's a deal. So. What's the plan?" Lee: annoyed "Man, really? I gotta come up with that too?" Brad: "Unless...do you happen to have an aircraft carrier and a teleporter?" Lee: his eyes "Okay, I'll think of something. I gotta get to class, I'll–text you." leaves. Brad stares after him, wide-eyed. ---- fencing match is about to begin. A bunch of platforms and ladders have been set up on the football field. Lee, Holger, and Brad are underneath the bleachers, and Lee is wearing a fencing uniform with flames on it. Holger is giving Lee a shoulder massage to warm him up. Brad: "Looking good pal, totally channeling me. Maybe the triceps are a little undeveloped, but hopefully nobody'll notice." Lee: "Okay seriously. I've never even done this before. I'm only doing this for one reason: Cam and Holger." Holger: touched "Aw!" Brad: "That's actually two reasons." puts on the mask. "Look, you'll be fine. But seriously, I bruise like a peach, so go easy out there!" shoves Lee out from underneath the bleachers. Lee is greeted with cheers the instant that the crowd sees him. Crowd: chanting "Brad! Brad! Brad! Brad! Brad! Brad! Brad! Brad!" Lone Fan: "Go Brad!" takes a seat next to Brad's father. Lee takes a look at the construction. Lee: "Fencing." looks at his sword. "Fencing. How do I get myself into things like this?" Chaz: reporting "And there he is, folks. A. Nigma High's only chance to break the curse. Let's show a peer a little high school cheer, Brad Von Chilllllstein!" crowd cheers. Ace: proud "That's my boy! My boy!" ---- Langhorne is grading book reports when Cam walks up to him. Mr. Langhorne: "Camillio?" Camillio: "Um, the reason that I didn't hand in my paper was uh, uh–" Mr. Langhorne: "Camillio, wh-what are you talking about? I just graded your paper, and I agree there should've been a fourth musketeer. Well argued." Langhorne hands Cam's book report back. Cam's eyes widen when he sees it. Camillio: shocked "Whoa. Where did you get this?" Mr. Langhorne: "Why, from you, obviously." Camillio: out "Huh. Okay, this is like, super weird! Because I mean I threw it in the garba–uh, I mean, I only bought an–I mean, I mean uh, I only wrote a C paper!" Mr. Langhorne: "Well you did a good job. And all while balancing the presidency. As the kids would say, you da man, dawg!" looks at his paper, concerned. ---- and his opponent are engaged in a sharp fencing battle. Their rapiers constantly clash. Lee remembers his father's words. Memory Mr. Ping: "You never know where your opponent will strike you from." ducks, dodges, and weaves, constantly on retreat from his opponent's attacks. Ace: "Heh-ha, that's my boy!" leaps onto a platform. His opponent follows, and in two deft strokes manages to knock Lee's sword from his hand. Ace: "No! Brad!" Holger: simultaneously "No! Lee!" movie star looks at him suspiciously. "Uh Lee...Ca-nnoli? Anyvun have some? Teensy bit? Holger loving ze most finest in Sicilian pastry." backs away from his opponent slowly. Suddenly, three scars on his left arm begin glowing blue–the same color that the pyramid under the school is currently glowing. The power of the pyramid somehow syncs up with Lee, and Lee dodges a blow and uses the rapier as an axel as he turns around it, knocks his opponent's feet out from under him, and then sends his opponent flying with a swift kick to the chest. Lee then grabs his sword and leaps into the air, where he knocks his similarly jumping opponent to the ground. He then pokes his opponent's chest with his sword, ending the match. Fencing Announcer: "Point and match, A. Nigma High!" Holger: "Yay!" crowd cheers. Ace: "Take that, curse!" waves to the crowd and ducks under the bleachers, where Brad is waiting for him. Brad: "Thanks." Holger: his head through the slats to see them "Hi!" giggles and returns to the surface, where Ace is staring at him oddly. Brad: in the flame outfit "I owe you, Ping." Lee: annoyed "Just keep up your end of the deal. I gotta get back to class." Crowd: Brad comes out from beneath the bleachers "Brad! Brad! Brad! Brad! Brad! Brad! Brad!" Brad: waving "Thank you!" comes up to put her hands on Brad's chest, but he pushes her away. When Greta approaches him, he ignores her and walks in the other direction. At first, Greta is downcast, but when Holger offers her a hug, she smiles and accepts. ---- is on a video chat with Cam. Lee: "So, yeah. You shouldn't have any more problems with Brad." Camillio: "That's cool thanks bro. But that's kinda like the least of my problems right now." Lee: "Oh really? What now?" Camillio: "Okay so, I bought this book report, and then I totally threw it out, but someone handed it in anyway, and then I got like an A-plus, dude!" Lee: "Wow, that is pretty weird. But, maybe it's a secret admirer." Camillio: "Yeah, I guess. But I'd call it more like a secret stalker, man. I'd say someone was just messing with me. Like Radcircles messed with you." Mrs. Ping: outside "Lights out!" turns off the lights. Lee: "I dunno, we'll have to look into this. I gotta go." closes the chat window and opens a file on his desktop. A picture of Brad appears. "So Brad's just one seriously messed up dude. No conspiracy there." opens a picture of Cassandra. "But Kimmie's mom, that's a whole other story. Why on earth would she be building a fence around our school? She's up to something. And I intend to find out what."